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Sterling Silver Dialogue #13

Sterling Silver Dialogue From The Movies: 

Do you know where they're from? Answers coming soon.


"You always have a very smooth explanation ready."

(response) "What do you want me to do, learn to stutter?"


"I certainly wish you would have invented a more reasonable story. I felt distinctly like an idiot repeating it."

(response) "Don't worry about the story's goofiness. A sensible one would have had us all in the cooler."


"Well sir, here's to plain speaking, clear understanding. You're a close-mouthed man?"

(response) "Nah, I like to talk."

(reply) "Better and better. I distrust a close-mouthed man. He generally picks the wrong time to talk and says the wrong things. Talking's something you can't do judiciously, unless you keep in practice. Now, sir. We'll talk, if you like. I'll tell you right out, I am a man who likes talking to a man who likes to talk."


"That's wonderful sir, wonderful. I do like a man who tells you right out he's looking out for himself. Don't we all? I don't trust a man who says he's not."


"By Gad sir, you are a character, that you are! There's never any telling what you'll say or do next, except that it's bound to be something astonishing."


"Keep on riding me and they're gonna be picking iron out of your liver."

 (reply) "The cheaper the crook, the gaudier the patter."



"Look, I'll make it easy for you. The time has come when you must tell me you have a wife and two adorable children... and this madness between us can't go on any longer."

(response) "Bet you've heard that line often enough."


"This is a very strange love affair."

(response) "Why?"

(reply) "Maybe the fact that you don't love me."



"Oh man... Don't hit me with them negative waves so early in the morning."

"Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves?!! Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?"

"Woof, woof, woof woof! That's my other dog imitation."

"Always with the negative waves Moriarty. Always with the negative waves."



"I'm a seeker too. But my dreams aren't like yours. I can't help thinking that somewhere in the universe there has to be something better than man. Has to be."

Sterling Silver Dialogue #12


Sterling Silver Dialogue From The Movies: 

Do you know where they're from? Answers coming soon.


"There's something about the sound of my own voice that fascinates me."


Veda: (regarding a gift from her mother) "The dress. It's awful cheap material. I can tell by the smell."

Kay: (Veda's sister) "What did you expect? Want it inlaid with gold?"

Veda: "Well, it seems to me, if you're buying anything, it should be the best. This is definitely not the best."

Kay: "Oh, quit. You're breakin' my heart."

Veda: "Oh it's impossible. Look at it. Ruffles. Oh I wouldn't be seen dead in this rag. It's horrible! How could she have bought me such a thing?"


Veda: (to her mother) "With this money I can get away from you. From you and your chickens and your pies and your kitchens and everything that smells of grease. I can get away from this shack with its cheap furniture. And this town and its dollar days, and its women that wear uniforms and its men that wear overalls."

Veda: (to her mother) "You think just because you made a little money you can get a new hairdo and some expensive clothes and turn yourself into a lady. But you can't, because you'll never be anything but a common frump whose father lived over a grocery store and whose mother took in washing. With this money I can get away from every rotten stinking thing that makes me think of this place or you!"


"Personally, Veda's convinced me that alligators have the right idea. They eat their young."


"You know I like Mexico; it's so... Mexican."



"This isn't the real Mexico, you know that. All border towns bring out the worst in a country. I can just imagine your mother's face if she could see our honeymoon hotel."



"From here on it's Mexico, Mr. Thornton."

(reply) "What's the closest town of any size?"

(response) "Agua Verde."

(reply) "What's in Agua Verde?"

(response) "Mexicans. What else?"



(philosophically about himself) "Mongo only pawn in game of life."



"Go home Martins, like a sensible chap. You don't know what you're mixing in. Get the next plane."

Martins: "As soon as I get to the bottom of this, I'll get the next plane."

(reply) "Death's at the bottom of everything, Martins. Leave death to the professionals."

Martins: "Mind if I use that line in my next Western?"


"I told you to go away, Martins. This isn't Santa Fe. I'm not a sheriff and you aren't a cowboy. You've been blundering around with the worst bunch of racketeers in Vienna, your precious Harry's friends, and now you're wanted for murder."

Martins: "Put down drunk and disorderly too."

(reply) "I have."


"Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love. They had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."



"I think you're a very stupid person. You look stupid, you're in a stupid business, and you're on a stupid case."

(reply) "I get it. I'm stupid."


"It was one of those transient motels, something between a fleabag and a dive."


(on being shaken by the lapels) "Now wait a minute. I've been slapped, scratched, punched, knocked unconscious, drugged, and shot at, looking for your Velma, so quit trying to make a milkshake out of my insides, will you?"


"This car sticks out like spats at an Iowa picnic."



(upon finding someone he's been searching for) "I spotted your car."

(reply) "You spotted my car? Will it wash off? That's a rental."

Sterling Silver Dialogue #11

Sterling Silver Dialogue From The Movies: 

Do you know where they're from? Answers coming soon.


"How singularly innocent I look this morning."

"Young woman, either you have been raised in some incredibly rustic community, where good manners are unknown, or you suffer from a common feminine delusion that the mere fact of being a woman exempts you from the rules of civilized conduct. Possibly both."

"I don't use a pen. I write with a goose quill dipped in venom."

"I'll neither consider, endorse or use the Wallace pen. I hate pens. If your employer wishes me to publish that statement in my column, you may tell them that I should be delighted to oblige."

"In my case, self-absorption is completely justified. I have never discovered any other subject quite so worthy of my attention."

"I'm not kind, I'm vicious. It's the secret of my charm."

"I cannot stand these morons any longer. If you don't come with me this instant, I shall run amok."

"You'd better watch out, McPherson, or you'll end up in a psychiatric ward. I don't think they've ever had a patient who fell in love with a corpse."

"... and thus as history has proved, love is eternal. It has been the strongest motivation for human actions throughout centuries. Love is stronger than life. It reaches beyond the dark shadow of death."

"The best part of myself. That's what you are. Do you think I'm going to leave it to the vulgar pawing of a second rate detective who thinks you're a dame? Do you think I could bear the thought of him holding you in his arms, kissing you, loving you?!"



"What the hell are you doin' here?" (reply)  "I'm lookin' at a tin star with a... drunk pinned on it."



"You appear with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season."

"At least I shall have the pleasure of putting you out of my misery."



"I've always wanted to know somebody who's been to China. Tell me about it."   (reply)   "A lot of Chinese live there."


"Do you think my husband would like to see a picture of me hanging over the fireplace?"

(reply)  "I think your husband would like to see you hanging anyplace."




"Am I the worst oaf in the world?" (reply) "The world's a big place. You're the worst one in my life."



"Love is like the measles. You only get it once, and the older you are, the harder you take it."


"Well, it wouldn't hurt you to learn some manners, too."  (reply)  "What do I need manners for? I already got me a wife."



"If my answers frighten you Vincent, then you should cease asking scary questions."


"Then basically I'm just gonna walk the earth."  (reply)  "What'cha mean walk the earth?"  (response)  "You know, like Caine in 'Kung Fu'. Walk from place to place. Meet people. Get into adventures."


"You see that, young lady? Respect. Respect for one's elders gives character."  (reply)  "I have character."  (response)   "Just because you are a character doesn't mean that you have character."


"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home and have a heart attack."






Sterling Silver Dialogue #10


Sterling Silver Dialogue From The Movies: 

Do you know where they're from? Answers coming soon.


"Mandrake, do you recall what Clemenceau once said about war?"

(reply) "No, I don't think I do sir. No."   

(response)  "He said war was too important to be left to the generals. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."


(Advocating a stronger nuclear attack to offset a further Soviet retaliation)  "Mr. President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation. Now, truth is not always a pleasant thing. But it is necessary now to make a choice, to choose between two admittedly regrettable, but nevertheless distinguishable, postwar environments: One where you got twenty million people killed, and the other where you got a hundred and fifty million people killed."

(reply)  "You're talking about mass murder, General, not war!"

(response)  "Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Uh, depending on the breaks."

(reply)   "I will not go down in history as the greatest mass-murderer since Adolf Hitler."

(response)   "Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, if you were more concerned with the American People than with your image in the history books."


"Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream? Ice cream, Mandrake, children's ice cream."

Mandrake: "Lord, Jack."

Jack: "You know when fluoridation first began?"

Mandrake: "I... no. I don't, Jack."

Jack: "Nineteen hundred and forty-six. 1946, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works."

Mandrake: "Uh, Jack, Jack, listen... tell me, tell me, Jack. When did you first... become... well, develop this theory?"

Jack: "Well, I, uh... I... I... first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love. Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue... a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I... I was able to interpret these feelings correctly: Loss of essence. I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake. But I... I do deny them my essence."

Mandrake: "Yes, Jack."


"I was a nervous child.  I was a bed wetter. When I was younger, I, I uh, used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself."



"Sometimes it isn't being fast that counts, or even accurate, but willing. Most men will draw a breath or blink an eye before they shoot. I won't."



"A gun is a tool, Marian, no better, no worse than any other tool: An axe, a shovel or anything. A gun is as good or as bad as the man using it. Remember that."



"If you work for a living, why do you kill yourself working?"



(complaining about a steak he ordered) "Hey Hombre. This horse is still fighting for his life."



"What a dump!"



(impersonating the above) "What a dump!"



"You've just had a bad day, that's all."  (reply)   "That's a masterpiece of understatement."



"Is your handwriting legible?"   (reply)   "Except on weekends."


"She offered me free love. At the time, that was all I could afford."


"Just who the hell do you think you are? How dare you come sniffing in here like Napoleon ordering me about! You are a traitor! Does it occur to you? A wanted, spent, dishonest man, the lowest currency of the Cold War. We buy you - we sell you - we lose you - we even can shoot you! Not a bird would stir in the trees outside. Not even a single pheasant would turn his head to see what fell."


"What the hell do you think spies are? Moral philosophers measuring everything they do against the word of God or Karl Marx? They're not! They're just a bunch of seedy, squalid bastards like me: little men, drunkards, queers, hen-pecked husbands, civil servants playing cowboys and Indians to brighten their rotten little lives. Do you think they sit like monks in a cell, balancing right against wrong?"


"I don't go to church. Kneeling bags my nylons."



Sterling Silver Dialogue #9

Sterling Silver Dialogue From The Movies: 

Do you know where they're from? Answers coming soon.


"Hey, you ain't lookin' too good. The sight of blood bother you or somethin'?"

(reply) "Only my own."


"It's the stuff dreams are made of."



"Some men just don't like to be driven."  

(reply) "No, some men just don't like to be taken for a ride."


"How do you know that? How do you know my friends call me Domino?"  

(reply) "It's on the bracelet on your ankle."

(response) "So... what sharp little eyes you've got."   (reply)  "Wait 'til you get to my teeth."


(after leaving an Irrigation Therapy Room) "See you later...irrigator."



"You buy nice drinks, mister but you talk so much."


"Occasionally I always drink too much."


(first look at their new residence) "Well, the place looks lived in."

(reply) "Yeah, but by what?"


"Would you kill me, Rocky?"  (reply)  "Wouldn't you?"


"You drinkin' that stuff so early?"   (reply)  "Listen, doll girl, when you drink as much as I do, you gotta start early."


(to Nancy) "I wouldn't give a nickel for your husband's chances before that parole board with all this going on."

(to Rocky) "And I wouldn't give a nickel for your chances with those two apes running around looking for you."

(to Castro) "For you, I just wouldn't give a nickel."



"Look Johnny, you know me. You get in my way... I'll kill you."   (reply)  "You took the words right out of my mouth."



"I'm no Humphrey Bogart. He gets slugged and he's ready for action; I get slugged and I'm ready for pickling."


"Lili, a sizzler at the Fol-de-Rol. A figure like champagne and a heart like the cork."



"We have a saying in India..."  (reply) "Yes?"   (response) "Yes."  (reply)  "Well?"

(response) "Well what?"


"Who do you think you are?"  

(reply) "In India, we don't think who we are. We know who we are."


"You meshuga!"   (reply)  "I am not your sugar."


"Num Num" "Birdie Num Num"



Sterling Silver Dialogue #8

Sterling Silver Dialogue From The Movies: 

Do you know where they're from? Answers coming soon.


"You know, once, off the hump of Brazil I saw the ocean so darkened with blood it was black and the sun faintin' away over the lip of the sky. We'd put in at Fortaleza, and a few of us had lines out for a bit of idle fishing. It was me had the first strike. A shark it was. Then there was another, and another shark again, 'till all about, the sea was made of sharks and more sharks still, and no water at all. My shark had torn himself from the hook, and the scent, or maybe the stain it was, and him bleeding his life away, drove the rest of them mad. Then the beasts took to eating each other. In their frenzy... they ate at themselves. You could feel the lust of murder like a wind stinging your eyes, and you could smell the death, reeking up out of the sea. I never saw anything worse... until this little picnic tonight. And you know, there wasn't one of them sharks in the whole crazy pack that survived."


"The only way to stay out of trouble is to grow old, so I guess I'll concentrate on that."



"'Course I'm respectable. I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough."


"You see Mr. Gitts, most people never have to face the fact... the right time and the right place, they're capable of... ANYTHING."  



"Well, I was curious. So many important people in one place..."  (reply)  "The rats usually desert a sinking ship. In my case, they appear to be flocking on board."



"Have you no human consideration?"  (reply)  "Show me a human, and I might have."


"And there's a message from the bartender. Does Miss Channing know she ordered domestic gin by mistake?"  (reply)  "The only thing I ordered by mistake is the guests. They're domestic, too, and they don't care what they drink as long as it burns!" 


"I'm afraid Mr. DeWitt would find me boring before too long."  (reply)  "You won't bore him honey, you won't even get a chance to talk."


"How about calling it a night?"  (reply)  "And you, pose as a playwright? A situation pregnant with possibilities and all you can think of is everybody go to sleep."


"I'll admit I may have seen better days, but I'm still not to be had for the price of a cocktail, like a salted peanut." 


"Why not read my column to pass the time? The minutes will fly like hours." 



Sterling Silver Dialogue #7

Sterling Silver Dialogue From The Movies: 

Do you know where they're from? Answers coming soon.


"All right, all right, how much you pay?"  (response)  "Well, just how tough are ya?"  (reply)  "Well, you pay a little bit, we're a little bit tough. You pay-a very much, we're-a very much tough. You pay-a too much we're a too much tough. How much you pay?"  (response) "I pay plenty!"  (reply) "We'll... then we're plenty tough."



"I'm a homing pigeon, I always come back to the stinking coop no matter how late it is."


"The only reason I took the job is because my bank account was trying to crawl under a duck." 


"She was a charming middle aged lady with a face like a bucket of mud. I gave her a drink. She was a gal who would take a drink if she had to knock you down to get the bottle." 


"I'm afraid I don't like your manner." (reply) "Yeah, I've had complaints about it, but it keeps getting worse." 



"She tried to sit in my lap while I was standing up."


"I don't like your manners."  (reply)  "And I'm not crazy about yours. I didn't ask to see you. I don't mind if you don't like my manners, I don't like them myself. They are pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings. I don't mind your ritzing me or drinking your lunch out of a bottle, but don't waste your time trying to cross-examine." 


"Why did you have to go on?"  (reply)  "Too many people told me to stop."



"You're never around when I need you."  (reply)  "You never need me when I'm around." 


"I was thinking about that dame upstairs, and the way she had looked at me, and I wanted to see her again, close, without that silly staircase between us."


"We're both rotten."  (reply)  "Only you're a little more rotten."



"You know it's quite possible Octavian that when you die... you will die without ever having been alive." 


"Queens. Queens. Strip them naked as any other woman, they are no longer queens!" (reply) "It is also difficult to tell the rank of a naked general. Generals without armies are naked indeed."



"I have often wondered, Countess... why did you leave Warsaw?"  (reply)  "Bombs were falling. I felt I was in the way." 


"Many of our German friends before the War would come as our guests to hunt wild pig. I refused to invite Goering. I couldn't tolerate his killing a wild pig. It seemed too much like brother against brother."


"The source of your money has never concerned you any more than your source of electric light.  They became worrisome only when they were shut off."



Sterling Silver Dialogue #6

Sterling Silver Dialogue From The Movies: 

Do you know where they're from? Answers coming soon.



"Chicolini you're charged with high treason, and if found guilty, you'll be shot." (reply) "I object." (response) "You, object. On what grounds?" (reply) "I couldn't think of anything else to say."

"Chicolini, when were you born?" (reply) "I don't remember. I was just a little-a baby." (response) "Isn't it true you tried to sell Freedonia's secret war code and plans?" (reply) "Sure, I sold a code and two pair of plans."  

"I even offered to pay as high as 18 dollars but I no could-a get somebody to defend me." (response) "My friends, this man's case moves me deeply. Look at Chicolini. He sits there alone. An abject figure." (Chicolini:) "I abject."


"Something must be done! War would mean a prohibitive increase in our taxes."
(reply) "Hey, I got an uncle lives in Taxes." (response) No, I'm talking about taxes - money, dollars!" (reply) "Dollars! There's-a where my uncle lives! Dollars, Taxes!"

"Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."


"Your Excellency... Haven't we seen each other somewhere before?" (reply) "I don't think so. I'm not sure I'm seeing you now; it must be something I ate."

"Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you."

"I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home."


"I was continuing to shrink. To become... what? The infinitesimal? What was I? Still a human being? Or was I... the man of the future? If there were other bursts of radiation, other clouds drifting across seas and continents, would other beings follow me into this vast new world? So close - the infinitesimal and the infinite. But suddenly I knew they were really the two ends of the same concept. The unbelievably small and the unbelievably vast eventually meet... like the closing of a gigantic circle. I looked up, as if somehow I would grasp the heavens. The universe, worlds beyond number, God's silver tapestry spread across the night. And in that moment, I knew the answer to the riddle of the infinite. I had thought in terms of man's own limited dimension. I had presumed upon nature: That existence begins and ends is man's conception, not nature's. And I felt my body dwindling, melting, becoming nothing. My fears melted away and in their place came acceptance. All this vast majesty of creation, it had to mean something. And then I meant something, too. Yes, smaller than the smallest, I meant something, too. To God, there is no zero. I still exist."


"You know, the worst ain't so bad when it finally happens. Not half as bad as you figure it'll be before it's happened."



"Who do you think you are... my guardian angel?" (response) "Not me, honey. I lost those wings a long time ago."

"I hate him when he looks at me like that. If he were mean or vicious or if he'd bawl me out or something, I'd like him better."


"This place is a mess! There's not any food in the house! Half the time you look like you fell out of bed! You spend more time in bed than any other human being past the age of 6 months than I ever heard of!" (reply) "The reason I sleep all day is 'cause I can't stand my life." (response) "What life?!!" (reply) "Sleeping all day!" 



Sterling Silver Dialogue #5

Sterling Silver Dialogue From The Movies: 

Do you know where they're from?


"You're Norma Desmond. You used to be in silent pictures. You used to be big."

(reply) "I am big. It's the pictures that got small."

(response) "Uh huh, I knew there was something wrong with them." 


"I'm not an executive, just a writer."

(reply) "You are? Writing words, words, more words! Well, you've made a rope of words and strangled this business: A-ha! But there's a microphone right there to catch the last gurgle, and Technicolor to photograph the red, swollen tongue!"



"Roger O. Thornhill. What does the O stand for?"

(reply) "Nothing." 



"Now wait a minute you listen to me: I'm an advertising man, not a red herring. I've got a job, a secretary, a mother, two ex-wives and several bartenders dependent upon me, and I don't intend to disappoint them all by getting myself slightly killed." 



"It shrinks my liver, doesn't it, Nat? It pickles my kidneys, yes. But what does it do to my mind? It tosses the sandbags overboard so the balloon can soar. Suddenly I'm above the ordinary. I'm competent, supremely competent. I'm walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. I'm one of the great ones. I'm Michelangelo, molding the beard of Moses. I'm Van Gogh, painting pure sunlight. I'm Horowitz, playing the Emperor Concerto. I'm John Barrymore before the movies got him by the throat. I'm Jesse James and his two brothers, all three of 'em. I'm W. Shakespeare. And out there it's not Third Avenue any longer, it's the Nile, Nat. The Nile and down it moves the barge of Cleopatra. Come here: Purple the sails, and so perfumed that the winds were love-sick with them; the oars were silver, which to the tune of flutes kept stroke..."



(After getting the drink orders from his guests he turns to his wife) "Martha?... Rubbing alcohol for you?" 



“I'd like to say I didn’t intend to kill her, but when you have a gun, you always intend when you have to…”



"And as for going around with you, I still pick my own gutters."



"You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale, and I won't have it! Is that clear? You think you've merely stopped a business deal. That is not the case! The Arabs have taken billions of dollars out of this country, and now they must put it back! It is ebb and flow, tidal gravity! It is ecological balance! You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations. There are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no third worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic system of systems, one vast and immane, interwoven, interacting, multivariate, multinational dominion of dollars. Petrodollars, Electro-Dollars, MultiDollars, Reichmarks, RINs, Rubles, Pounds, and Shekels. It is the international system of currency which determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today! And you have meddled with the primal forces of nature. And YOU. WILL. ATONE!  Am I getting through to you, Mr. Beale? You get up on your little twenty-one inch screen and howl about America and democracy. There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM, and ITT, and AT&T, and DuPont, Dow, Union Carbide, and Exxon. Those are the nations of the world today. What do you think the Russians talk about in their councils of state, Karl Marx? They get out their linear programming charts, statistical decision theories, mini-max solutions and compute the price-cost probabilities of their transactions and investments, just like we do. We no longer live in a world of nations and ideologies, Mr. Beale. The world is a college of corporations, inexorably determined by the immutable bylaws of business. The world is a business, Mr. Beale. It has been since man crawled out of the slime. And our children will live, Mr. Beale, to see that... perfect world... in which there's no war or famine, oppression or brutality. One vast and ecumenical holding company, for whom all men will work to serve a common profit, in which all men will hold a share of stock. All necessities provided, all anxieties tranquilized, all boredom amused. And I have chosen... you, Mr. Beale, to preach this evangel." 

Sterling Silver Dialogue #4

Sterling Silver Dialogue From The Movies: 

Do you know where they're from?



"Why didn't you come home before?" (reply) "Why didn't I go to China? Some things you do, some things you don't."


"Home is where you come when you run out of places."


"Aren't there any more comfortable men in this world? Now they're all little and nervous like sparrows or big and worried like sick bears."


"Big mouth, fast dollar. What are you tryin' to buy, the world's approval?"


"That Mae is some dancer. Me, I'm like a hippo on two feet. (Mae's response) "Yeah, MY two feet." 


"Jerry's the salt of the earth... but not the right seasoning for you."


"You don't like women, do you?" (reply) "Take any six of 'em - my wife included. Throw 'em up in the air. The one who sticks to the ceiling, I like."


"I'm sorry I got the jumps tonight. I'm talkin' to ya but what I'm thinkin' is: What's my wife doin' in St. Louis... who's she with? Some day I'm going to stick her full of pins just to see if blood comes out."


(After an engagement has been announced) "Congratulations. I'm glad you put the guy out of his misery" (response) "Since when did you start recommending marriage?" (reply) "Since I got my divorce."



"I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said 'yes' to a divorce."



"She can't be all bad... no one is." (reply) "Well, she comes the closest."


"You can never help anything, can you? You're like a leaf that the wind blows from one gutter to another." 


"I don't want to die." (reply) "Neither do I, Baby, but if I have to, I'm going to die last." 



"I need him like the axe needs the turkey."